So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
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Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
