We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
