if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also, beer. Big fan.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
