it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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