I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
