Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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