I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
