I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize