Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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