i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
