i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
