I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
