This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
