So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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