just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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