Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
