How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
