I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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