the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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