I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
