you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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