You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize