i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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