So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
