there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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