I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
