I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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