i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
