pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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