took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
