Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
