i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize