she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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