Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
