i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
