i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
