You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
