Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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