and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
