Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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