ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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