I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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