How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize