Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
