Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
