My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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