I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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