Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
