True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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