I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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