I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize