I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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