My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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