Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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