I cockslap morals
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Please don't give away my fajitas
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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