Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
