Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize