office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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