well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
