Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He kissed a someone with a penis
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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