I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
