I seem to have left my pride at pride
My cat gives me a boner
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
