Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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