My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
