Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
