I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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