i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
