If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
