all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
