just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
