ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
