She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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